As kids, we’re curious. At some point we start to lose our curiosity and become focused on showing what we know. Many times – at work and at home – I have run off madly in all directions because I did not stop to ask basic question to understand the context and essence of the problem and the people involved. Leadership requires awareness of people and situations.
Michael Bungay Stanier invites us, as leaders, to stay curious longer by taking a coach approach to leadership. When leaders respond by asking questions rather than telling or offering advice they coach – and they improve morale, improve results, develop staff and focus on doing their job rather than everyone else’s job.
Since I believe we are all leaders (leading our lives) I think there is a general lesson about staying curious to identify problems, perspectives and possible solutions and to stay open to what we can learn from other people.
In The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (2016). [Toronto: Box of Crayons Press], Bungay Stanier argues that leading by coaching helps “break out of three vicious circles”:
1) creating overdependence on the leader to provide answers;
2) getting overwhelmed as leader by the quantity of work;
3) becoming disconnected from the work that matters.
He demystifies and simplifies coaching into seven questions to be asked individually, pausing and waiting on the answer:
- The Kickstart Question – “What’s on Your Mind?”
- To be followed with “what’s the challenge for you” – coaching is about the person.
- The AWE Question – “And What Else?”
- This can be repeated, often to go beyond the topline response to get at what is the underlying question.
- The Focus Question – “What’s the real challenge here for you?”
- Often we jump in to solve what we think is the problem, without verifying it is the real issue.
- The Foundation Question – “What do you want?”
- The Lazy Question – “How can I help?”
- The Strategic Question – “If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?”
- The learning question – “What was most useful for you?”
Listing the questions may falsely suggest this is a formula. To the contrary, like all leadership, the key is a genuine interest in understanding, genuine listening to understand, and persistence to get to the heart of the concern. Bungay Stanier seeks to make coaching a habit – to replace the habit of telling/advising with the habit of asking questions. He roots both books in the literature of changing habits – becoming conscious of the desired change, focusing on and rewarding the new habit, and repeating until it becomes second nature not just for scheduled coaching sessions, but for all interactions –hallway conversations and scheduled sessions.
In The Advice Trap (2020) [Toronto: Box of Crayons Press], Bungay Stanier expands on a theme from his earlier book: “taming your advice monster”. He notes that our insecurities lead us to want to demonstrate our value by providing answers – telling – not asking. He notes that our quick advice may often aim at the wrong problem, is often our first and thoughtless comment, demotivates staff and overburdens leaders. For institutions that claim to value innovation – it is the death of innovation. We need to overcome our pride or fear that we must tell it, save it or control it. In other words, mange the ego-filled thought that without us there is failure.
Again this is about habits – replacing the short-term rewards for telling (ego boosts from seeming to be indispensable) with the longer-term satisfactions that come from greater balance, better outcomes, team development and improved morale. Asking questions requires delaying gratification – and finding ways to note progress that reward the change effort. In both books Bungay Stanier provides advice (yes he acknowledges the irony), techniques and exercises in the text and with on-line links.
I certainly remember times when all issues and decisions had to go through the bottleneck of one person – and sometimes that bottleneck was me. When I stopped thinking I needed to be the answer man and began to ask questions and encourage others to develop solutions, I started moving from local expert to leader. Not only were wider options considered and decisions better, but the capability of the people and the capacity of the organization grew.
Although he argues for a coach approach to leadership, Bungay Stanier is clear that there are multiple leadership personae – and different approaches are required in different circumstances. The key (the art) is to know which buck stops with the leader, and what leadership is required in a specific context. Whatever the needed leadership behaviour, asking questions – getting an understanding of the real problem, the context, the people, and the perceptions of others – seems essential. Asking questions seems key to moving beyond knee-jerk decisions (fight, flight or freeze), or simple pattern recognition (have we tested that the pattern is relevant) to more synergistic and creative thinking. We are taught to think before we act. Asking questions is externalizing our thinking (and broadening the brain power applied). Taking a questioning approach not only leads to better decisions it also coaches others to develop their capabilities and models an open spirit of inquiry.
Bungay Stanier provides good resources to help us change our habits of how we engage others. He invites us to be more transparent and more humble. He invites us to add greater value by asking the questions that open possibility rather than closing minds by telling. He invites us to step out of reactive assertiveness to cover our insecurities and show confidence and leadership by seeking first to understand, to adopt a growth mindset, to be open to the thoughts and contributions of others – the hallmarks of inspiring leadership.